A Month of News

There has been a bunch of going on since I last wrote. After Aydyn came close to being hospitalized, Krystian had a cold which became pneumonia. All of this happened during my first week back at work. Our principal broke her ankle that week as well. She still is not back, but as a school we are managing the best we can. Our office staff are doing a fantastic job.

Work is going well. We originally were told that we would have a class of 30+ kids, but that has slowly dwindled. My largest class has 26 students in it which is nice because we do a science experiement on Tuesday. My days start early like 5 am. I drop Aydyn off with my parents and take Krystian to daycare. Then I am at work by 7 am to get ready for students at 7:40 am. My first science class begins at 8 am so I have to be on point.

My dad has had a really bad cough for awhile, month or more. He finally went to the doctor who said it was congestive heart failure and reflux. He was put on medicine and has had a complete diet change. He has a new test on Wednesday which the cardiologist will need whenever he follows up with one. Depending on what the cardiologist says, I may have to find a daycare for Aydyn. I like my free grandparents' daycare, but it isn't worth risking my dad's life.

The biggest news of all! Jake FINALLY got a promotion. He is in training to be a co-manager at Bi-Lo. We don't know in which Bi-Lo he'll be placed, but he will be going somewhere. What does this mean? Well, much needed money, but also longer hours for him and more of the boys by myself. It has been an adjustment, but knowing that my husband is sleeping beside me every night is worth it. We're praying that Jake will be put in a Florence store. :) That's news for now. It was enough because I was a slacker. I'm going to enjoy my Labor Day with Krystian and Aydyn.

Motherhood craziness

Mothers always worry. I, however, was a worrier before I became a mother. I actually calmed down after I had Krystian. He was such an easy baby; I didn't have to worry. Aydyn, however, has brought back my worrierness. I noticed on Thursday that Aydyn had a rash on his legs. He also spent all of Thursday sleeping except for when it was time to eat. But when we fed him, he would scream his head off. (Needless to say, I was freaking out!) On Friday, he seemed normal, but the rash had not gone away. We took Aydyn to the doctor just to get it checked. The doctor said it was nothing to worry about. It was just something he came in contact with in his environment. Okay, that's good, right?!

Fast forward to Saturday morning, Aydyn was not feeling well. I noticed that he felt warm so I took his temperature. At 7:30 am, it was 101.3. I gave him tylenol, and an hour later it was 101.2. I was freaking out, yet again. I tried rocking him in his room. ** Side Note -- I was also trying to watch Krystian at the same time. Jake helped Krystian bring his cars into Aydyn's room. I told Krystian to bring in his fruit loops and his milk, but bring them one at a time. Well, Krystian will be a smarta** when he grows up. Because, Krystian grabbed one fruit loop out of his the bowl. Jake brought in the rest. This made me laugh so hard that I woke Aydyn up.** So anyway, when Aydyn's fever wouldn't go down, I called the doctor's office again. They told me to bring him because he was so small with the fever. I dropped Krystian off at my in-laws & took Aydyn to the doctor.

At the doctor's office, we saw a wonderful woman, but I got the pee scared out of me. She told me that it was a virus, but she didn't think he should be in the hospital. WHAT HOSPITAL??? I was alone with my 3 month old, and I was scared out of my mind. She wanted to go get some lab work done just to be on the safe side and we would go from there. So I proceed across the street to the hospital. The following was the most painful part of my life since becoming a mother: I had to then hold my little baby boy down while they drew blood. I thought shots were bad, but they are over a LOT sooner than when blood is drawn. I kept my composure until I was walking back to my car. I lost it. I cried. The results came back quickly. I only had to wait about 2 hours. The doctor called and said everything looked normal on his labs. If anything came up, just have the answering service at the office page her. I did have to call her. Aydyn wasn't taking any formula or pedialyte. Later, we discovered it was because he was constipated.

Today, Sunday, Aydyn is so much better. He drank only pedialyte all night, but actually took some formula for Jake. God is good and kept my baby safe! Motherhood is crazy, but I love it!

Surprises!

So I have been reading "The Love Dare." Today I completed the 3rd dare, which is to buy your spouse something that he/she wants. I had to go to Wal-mart :( anyway so I bought Jake the simpliest of gifts, a Mountain Dew (his favorite soda) and a card. Neither of which cost very much, but I knew he would at least appreciate the Dew. We only have Coke & Sprite in the house. I wrote a message in the card and put both in the fridge for him to find. I thought it would be more special that way.

He didn't thank me or even give me a kiss when he found them. However, I texted him after he had gone to work, and he told me to pick out a movie to go see. He would handle the babysitter. He said that he thinks we need it. I think we need it too, but it wasn't the response I was expecting.

I love surprises! I got a surprise for my surprise! :)

Me time

I did forget something. I took time for myself today. It was the first time in a year. I got a hair cut. Hair cuts are great especially when the girl that cuts it is wonderful! Just had to say that I took some time for myself.

Food

Here is something to make you laugh. Krystian has ALWAYS been a wonderful eater. When I was pregnant with him, I would eat spinach salads for lunch as well as fruit and other health junk. His favorite food is a tomato. He could eat an entire raw tomato by himself. But that isn't the point. Just know that he is a great eater.

When we picked Krystian up from daycare today, I had to wait for Krystian to finish eating his afternoon snack. The snack consisted of half of an ice cream sandwich, goldfish crackers, and a cup of Kool-Aid. Now as a force of habit, I usually bring Krystian a cup of juice when I pick him up. The reason?! He usually has been playing outside in the South Carolina heat when I actually get there from work. Today, Jake and I had been out all afternoon and did not bring a cup of juice. There was, however, a Capri Sun in the front seat. My smart son saw the drink and decided he must have it (even though it had been sitting in the car and the heat for 2 days). I reluctantly gave Krystian the Capri Sun. As we were riding, I heard, "These are apples." (He was pointing to the Capri Sun.) "No," I said, "They are grapes." (It was a grape Capri Sun.) Always thinking with his stomach, Krystian said, "Grapes?! I want to eat them." There was only a matter of about 5 minutes between the time he finished his snack at daycare and the time that he uttered these words.

I love that Krystian is a great eater. (The only thing that Krystian really does not eat is meat. It has to be chicken nuggets or a hot dog for him to eat meat.) I can only hope and pray that Aydyn is half as good.

Monster Spray

A couple months ago, Krystian was having nightmares and was waking up because of "monsters." After talking with Jake and my mom, we decided to try something that my mom did with me. We gave Krystian his own bottle of "monster spray." It consists of a cheap ($1) spray bottle filled with water. I hand wrote on the outside "Krystian's Monster Spray." It stays in his room and from time to time, Krystian will pick it up saying, "I spray my room." It seems to do the trick, but you always have to make sure that you get the most logical spots that a monster would hide like in the closet and under the bed.

Now you know about "Monster Spray."

New Adjustments

Today started a period of adjustments in our house. I started going to work in my classroom. One reason is because I need to, but the other reason is so that Aydyn can get used to Papa watching him. Aydyn was good for Papa today. Tonight, however, he has been clingy and cranky. On top of a cranky two month old, Krystian got a "big boy" bed. Its just a regular twin bed with brand new Superman sheets, but still it isn't his little toddler bed with a crib mattress anymore. As soon as my father-in-law set it up, Krystian climbed up like a big boy. He said that he was ready for bed. Well, he thought he was ready for bed. As soon as Jake tucked him into bed, Krystian started calling for me. Thus began a long fight to get Krystian to go to sleep. Jake finally had to lay in bed with Krystian until he fell asleep.

I love my boys, but these nights alone are stressing me out. I am trying to read The Love Dare, but it is really hard to read a book about learning to love when you want that love reciprocated. I got through the first dare which was patience. The second dare, kindness, has me stumped. I am kind to Jake, aren't I? I mean, I don't bug him while he is sleeping. I try my hardest not to irritate him. Tonight, the kindness definitely was not there. Krystian was spraying his room for monsters. (That's another story.) The spray bottle wasn't working so I was messing with the nozzle and spraying it. I squirted Jake who was holding Aydyn, and he said, "That's why I put it on mist." I must admit I yelled, "The mist wasn't working. That is the only thing that is working." My patience and my kindess were not there. This Love Dare thing is harder than I thought.

So those are our new adjustments. I will let you know how they go.

Mending Fences

I told my sister not so long ago the truth about her relationship with me and our parents. She got really upset and wrote me a NASTY email. We didn't talk for at least a week, maybe two. We started talking again at my niece's birthday party.

In the past week though, we have gone to a Scentsy party together. I also took the boys to see her yesterday. It was really nice. I miss hanging out with her. I cannot tell you how much I missed her. We are complete opposites, and we fought like dogs and cats as kids. It wasn't until we were grown that we started getting along.

Mending fences takes a long time, but it is worth the effort so that the cows don't get away.

Ups and Downs

THE UPS --First, I have to brag (which will probably jinx everything). Krystian is half potty trained. I kept him home Thursday to have his and Aydyn's pictures taken. We tried to go potty first thing in the morning, and he wanted to put on big boy underwear. I didn't want to deny him that right so I let him. There have been a few accidents, but for the most part, he has been awesome. Poo-pooing on the potty is a different story, but I hear that is always most difficult. My mother-in-law let him pee standing up on Friday, and he LOVED it. We have been doing that since.

Today was another big step. We were standing in line in Wal-mart to get Aydyn some formula when Krsytian looked at me and said, "Mama, I have to potty." I almost forgot to tell Jake anything because I was trying to run so fast. (Every other time before this, Krystian has said these words AFTER he peed a little in his pants.) We RAN to the women's restroom. Luckily, we were at the self-checkout and it was right there. My big boy went potty :) and he hadn't gone in his pants yet either. It was the first time that he had told me that he had to go without me prompting him.

THE DOWNS -- I am so frustrated and tired. I still feel very unappreciated. I don't know if Jake is just ignoring me when I say this or if he doesn't understand. I mean, I have actually said the words "I feel unappreciated" and "I am frustrated," but still no offer to keep the kids one night. No offer for a date night. Now, I can't sleep at night. I am so tired and frustrated about being frustrated and unappreciated that I can't sleep. I can't even watch music videos or listen to music about how much men love/adore/appreciate their women because I am jealous. I know that is stupid, but Jake used to appreciate me that way before we got engaged (over 8 years ago). My happiness for Krystian is overshadowed by the fact that I feel like my husband doesn't love me any more. I am just good for satisfying his needs and raising his boys.

I am so proud of Krsytian. He is growing up so much. Now, when I ask if he's ready to go to bed, Krystian says, "Yep," and calmly walks to his room. The ups definitely outnumber the downs, but the downs still hurt. :/

The bad & the good

It isn't uncommon to get up in the middle of the night with a two month old. It is a little more uncommon to get up with a two year old who has never had sleep issues. I don't mind the getting up with one or the other, but getting up with both Krystian and Aydyn stresses me out. The feelings intensify when neither of them wants to go back to sleep. The intensity increases even more when my support system doesn't really seem to be supporting me. I don't mind jokes, but when they come at 3 AM, they hurt.

Aydyn was very cranky yesterday, but once he finally fell asleep on my husband around 9 pm, he slept. (Thank God!) He slept from 9 pm - 3 am, and then he was wide awake. I changed him, bottled him, and lay him back down. Aydyn was having none of it. :( Krystian was fighting sleep as well. I had already read to him two times by 3 am. Krystian wanted me to read to him again. I was dealing with a screaming two month old, and my two year old wanted me to read to him. Really, he was being crazy. I took him back to his room and explained to him that Mommy had already read to him. Now, he needed to read to himself and go to sleep. This led to Krystian screaming for 10 minutes and then falling asleep. You might think I am wrong, but I didn't start letting Krystian cry things out until he was almost 2. I could never in a million years let Aydyn cry it out, not yet.

The whole time that I am dealing with screaming kids, I try to text my husband for support. It goes well at first, but then I tell him I am going to a hotel on his night off so I can get some sleep while he deals with the two kids. He says why so I can text you the whole night and you won't get sleep. (I found out this morning that this was a joke. Not funny at 3 am.) I fired back (out of anger because I didn't know it was a joke) that the only reason I text him is because he is awake (duh, he's working). I don't text him during the day when he is asleep, but that i'd leave him alone.

The 3 AMs make me feel so alone. Even on the nights that my husband is home, I can say "It is your turn. You get up with them," but I still have to listen to the monitors. He gets to sleep at least 6 hours straight without listening to a child cry or without having to listen to the static of a monitor while waiting for a child to cry. I am jealous.

These 3 AM wake calls scare me. I go back to work in 3 weeks, 2 if you count registration. I will be running a house, keeping 2 boys in the evening, and listening to them at night. Yes, I love my children. No, I would never regret having either one of them. I feel like I never get a break. I am very lonely. Men get the joy of ignoring things when they want to. Women feel the need to make sure everyone is happy and taken care of. I just want to be able to pamper myself.


On a good note: Today, I was invited to my first playgroup. That was nice. Krystian would have loved it. It was nice though to talk to other women. I felt weird at first, only knowing one person, but everyone was very friendly. Thank you!

Big Brother

So after washing both my sons last night, I took an hour to watch t.v. for myself. I don't know how many people watch Big Brother, but I am a huge fan. This season however brings back memories of high school.

My role in high school is still confusing to me. I was not popular, but I had classes with a lot of the popular crowd, so I knew them. I was not a skater, but my husband's cousin was, so I knew some of them. Kris and I never really talked in school; I was afraid to embarrass him. I knew a few athletes, but not many. I tried my hand at ROTC, but that wasn't the place for me.

I was comfortable in high school, but I wanted to be liked. I think the biggest problem is that I wanted to know I was liked. I was never invited to parties or over to other people's houses. Do you know how you say hi to strangers on the street? I was felt like I was the stranger when people said hi to me; they were just doing it to be polite.

I feel the same way now as an adult. I feel like people talk to me just to be polite. I often say something about a "friend" to my husband and think to myself should I be using the word acquaintance? Sometimes I just want to be included. When I am invited some place though, I feel very awkward and out of place. Did the invite me out of pity or as a fluke?

Don't get me wrong. I love the people I am close to. Sometimes I wish we hung out a lot more, but the ones with kids are super busy because most of them don't send their kids to daycare. They can do stuff with them during the week. And I am very worried that the other people (ones minus kids) will get annoyed with my kids. I feel like we quickly wear out our welcome.

I guess I never really outgrew my high school feelings. Maybe I will one day.

Sunday Afternoons

Some background -- Before I ever came into the picture, my husband's family has had the routine of going to his grandparents' house every Sunday afternoon after church. The year I met my husband, I am sad to say, his beloved grandfather passed away from cancer. I never got to meet Mr. Isgett, but I hear stories about him weekly and feel as if I know him.

My husband works 3rd shift as a grocery manager at a local grocery store. Sundays he doesn't get home until 8:30 am. So, these days I take our 2 boys to his grandmother's house by myself. Well, my mother and father-in-law are there, and so are my husband's aunt and uncle. However, I still feel like an outcast. I am not truly southern as I was born in Allentown, PA. They remind me of this quite often. I dread Sunday afternoons.

My in-laws think that I am not capable of taking care of my children; or they disagree with how my husband and I are raising them. I wouldn't care if my husband defended me the times that he is there.

Today was not so bad. My mother-in-law who is the main culprit was falling asleep. Thank God for small miracles!

New To This

I have thrown around the idea of starting a blog for a couple of weeks, maybe months, now. I know people who have blogs because they don't want to forget things about this moment in their lives and other friends who keep blogs so that their husbands in Iraq or Afghanistan. I wanted to start a blog because I needed an outlet.

I am what you might know as a people pleaser. I don't like to have people mad at me. It is not very often that I speak the truth to anyone other than my husband. I can't complain to my friends about my husband because they already think he is crappy. He really isn't. Things just got tougher when he got sick from burning the candle at both ends. I can't talk to my sister because ... well...I pissed her off. I know that my poor husband gets tired of hearing me complain, especially about his family.

So I am new to this. I am just trying to vent, and maybe tell a little about my family. (I tend to ramble so watch out.)

About my family
My husband and I have been together for 11 years, since I was 15 and he was 21. (I finished high school and got a bachelor's degree during the first 7 years). We have been married for 4 years. Our first son, Krystian, was born almost 2 years after our wedding. Boy #2, Aydyn, came along this May. We have a dog, Tipper, and a cat, Javier. Both of which are males. If you haven't kept count, that is 5 guys that I live with, thus the title of my blog, Me and the Boys.

I will stop with that. I have to get ready to go to my in-laws for Sunday lunch,which is always eventful.