Big Brother

So after washing both my sons last night, I took an hour to watch t.v. for myself. I don't know how many people watch Big Brother, but I am a huge fan. This season however brings back memories of high school.

My role in high school is still confusing to me. I was not popular, but I had classes with a lot of the popular crowd, so I knew them. I was not a skater, but my husband's cousin was, so I knew some of them. Kris and I never really talked in school; I was afraid to embarrass him. I knew a few athletes, but not many. I tried my hand at ROTC, but that wasn't the place for me.

I was comfortable in high school, but I wanted to be liked. I think the biggest problem is that I wanted to know I was liked. I was never invited to parties or over to other people's houses. Do you know how you say hi to strangers on the street? I was felt like I was the stranger when people said hi to me; they were just doing it to be polite.

I feel the same way now as an adult. I feel like people talk to me just to be polite. I often say something about a "friend" to my husband and think to myself should I be using the word acquaintance? Sometimes I just want to be included. When I am invited some place though, I feel very awkward and out of place. Did the invite me out of pity or as a fluke?

Don't get me wrong. I love the people I am close to. Sometimes I wish we hung out a lot more, but the ones with kids are super busy because most of them don't send their kids to daycare. They can do stuff with them during the week. And I am very worried that the other people (ones minus kids) will get annoyed with my kids. I feel like we quickly wear out our welcome.

I guess I never really outgrew my high school feelings. Maybe I will one day.